Feathers in the Sky
by Asarikou-chan
Summary: AU. The curse of existence was unbearable despite the faint melody of life. The pure wings felt as if the world wasn't a place to belong to anymore...
1. Prologue: Lonely Moon

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**Hitori De Tsuki**

Limitlessness is might. Vast and kind, the dark sky was in its observing the lone human's heart. The glittering stars breathed in the eternal light and continued their peaceful slumber.

Reaching the sky was impossible, but that would not stop a dreamer from the pleasure of stretching their hands to touch the decorated piece of art. A piece that most humans failed to appreciate.

Under the mysterious, limitless sky, a child stood there observing the universe with the fascinated aura of appreciation around him. His pale, small hand tried again, praying that the lonely, hanging moon could allow its pleading fingers to clutch it. Just like in children's drawing, the new moon looked like a thin canoe that tempted hands to touch and arms to seek. Just like the thirteen-year-old kid he was, his hand kept trying tirelessly as if his only purpose in that place was getting closer to the fabulous lamps in the sky. The moon was too far as was the sky. And he was a child with nothing but a wishing hand. Nothing was clear around except the bare arm that retreated its mission after another try. A strategy he often used whenever he needed to recharge his energy for another silent praying of reaching the limitless sky.

It was a dream. He knew that much. In the dreams world, he was alone. Truly alone. Without anyone to claim that they can be by his side even if those claims were sincere. Their honest feelings was what hurt the most yet he was unable to remember what he was thinking about. The only reality he could ecognize was the nice landscape he was standing between its welcoming arms. There, he could allow the obeying tears to stumble their way down his face shamelessly without even needing a logical reason. In the real world, tears shouldn't annoy the existence around him. Being a burden was enough. Complaining about it was unforgivable. By himself not anyone else.

In the dream, the dark sky was his only companion along with its luminaries. Silent companions but their existence was relieving. It was much better than dreaming about drawing numbly in a saltless ocean. The sky was clear tonight and it didn't really matter if it was the same outside his currently private world. No one could hurt him here or bother themselves by his existence. This was his world. The world that he couldn't even feel its wind, playing with his hair. The reality wind was merciless while throwing the midnight hair carelessly around face whenever he mistakenly stumbled outside the neat house.

He wished to stay there forever simply because he could hardly remember any other reality aside from the faint whispers of how cruel it was. He couldn't help but believe. There was no way that the beauty around him could lie. Just staring unblinkingly at the beautiful dome that covered the vast grassy land around him. It was pleasant and comforting unlike the real polluted sky; even at night, the stars were too shy to show up clearly above the guilty city; Guilty because it didn't have mercy upon such beauty.

The stars shut their eyes gradually, leaving the sky with a silent word of a temporary short Farwell. The moon stayed longer than usual as if smiling warmly at his now dry face. He felt his lips smile on their own in content.

Like a gas lamp, the moon disappeared and the sky's midnight color gradually faded. The dream lasted longer thats time.

A pure, bright feather was the moon's final gift. He reached out eagerly. His feet struggled to move for the first time then but strong, warm chains clutched his legs stubbornly. Strangely, he didn't resist the rooting chains. Somehow, he remember feeling them every time he was there. They kept fighting to prevent him from following the feather and he had always listened to them without even knowing why. It wasn't a matter of submission to them. They were sad and scared to let him go. Clutching him as strongly as they could while calling his name; a name he couldn't recognize nor cared to pay attention to. The pure feather twinkled in the non-existent light before turning into a calm, pure black. It vanished into stars' dust seconds later. His mind had corrected his previous assumption. The feather was the stars' present as well.

_'Later then.'_ He didn't even know that he muttered those words. Their softness was swallowed as the blurriness in the sky came closer to him, embracing him tightly and throwing him back to reality. A reality that wished to be part of him.

It wasn't his fault that he couldn't accept it. The dream world had treated him as a part of it like the smallest smiling star not as a heavy load. At least, he didn't feel like being a burden to himself while being in such a great place.

Yet, he didn't prevent reality from having another chance. Giving chances wasn't his right after all. Chances should be granted to anything and to everything.

Including himself...and reality.

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**Author Note  
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This feels really weird XD. I didn't think I would dare to write a story after being inspired by an anime. Well, I guess I feel good after writing it. I am writing the rest of this story's chapters right now. Hmmm, I know that this chapter is too vague and I didn't even mention who is this " he" but you can figure out somehow(despite the non-existence of clues) It is confusing on purpose, though.

Ah for the title of this story. It goes by Feathers in the Sky or Tsubasa no Noroi. The Japanese title means The wings' curse. Couldn't decide which is better :(

This prologue title Hitori De Tsuki means: Lonely Moon.

By the way, this story is quite short. Less than 6 chapters and it is my first story that deals with supernatural themes while admitting them. Ahm, the supernatural elements in my other stories are not that concealed from the story's universe.

So _pleaaaase_ every one. I don't know how the hell did I write this so I really, really need to see your opinions. That would make it much easier to finish it quicker. I assure you.

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	2. First Drop: The Midnight Sky

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******The First Drop**

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**Mayonaka No Sora **

Under the mighty sky, humans were supposed to sigh in relief, thanking the gift of being alive. Nevertheless, some people...like him were too ungrateful to appreciate the priceless ability of breathing and eying the magnificent shining sun above them.

The thought about this made him feel even smaller. Not that he was entirely ungrateful. He simply didn't like being a useless trivial human. Sometimes, he felt as if the stars, including the sun, were mocking him. _Up above the world so high...like a diamonds in the sk_y. It was the humming song, his mother used to sing before sending them to a peaceful slumber but somehow, the song was unnerving just like how the bright sun was hurting his eyes. Emotionally not physically.

Unable to figure out why he felt nervous whenever his blue orbs dared to look above. The feeling of the possibility of losing something because of the marvelous dome around him was killing him. No logical reason for that. But it felt like a matter of time. Waiting and waiting, that was the only thing he could do.

The summer holiday was about to begin but unlike other kids in his age, he wasn't looking forward to the sandy beach and the camp fire nor was he too much stressed with the approaching final exams. A summer holiday was a chance to relax and to be away from his bothersome classmates. Why couldn't they understand that he was better without them pocking their noses in his business. They were hypocrite; laughing and smiling in his face and gossiping darkly behind his back, spreading dirty rumors about him. But he didn't care as long as they wouldn't push his limits. It was fine by him to receive their dirty looks…but sometimes, once the looks dared to cast upon the only close person to him, he wouldn't mind killing the idiots that thought about thinking at all.

'Ah, Kouji. You are here.'

He raised his head quickly as if remembering to breath after covering his face in deep water. His gaze fell suddenly on a gentle looking woman. The woman that would do anything to make sure that he was happy; that they were happy and…healthy. Even if the latter wasn't practical all the time.

Kouji realized then that he was standing in his house's back garden, watching blindly his mother as she was kneeling in front of some splendid flowers, watering them carefully. Once noticing his presence, she abandoned her work and moved towards him with an affectionate smile.

'How was school?' the overly used question to begin a conversation between a parent and a child. A question that would end as fast as it was uttered with a low "fine."

She frowned at that and gave a small sigh. 'I have to go to work now. I was waiting for you.'

He knew.

She sighed again and added hurriedly. 'Kouji, you know you should spend more time outside home. I'd like to see you surrounded by friends. Me and your father can take care of everything. We can even hire a house keeper in our abse-'

'I told you I am fine. I don't need friends. You are enough for me, 'kaa-san. I am happy here.' The bitter tone he used in his choppy sentences didn't show the happiness he claimed to feel.

'But...'

He didn't wait to hear her trying again to convince him with pointless pleads. He was fine. He didn't need someone else. They were enough for him. His family was enough for him.

* * *

The delicious smelling curry was seated pleasantly in front of him. Its warmth could tempt anyone to try it despite the hot weather. Somehow hot food had a certain pleasure in summer. His mother, Minamoto Tomoko, offered another smile of her flower-like smiles. 'I am sure you will enjoy it. '

'Arigato, 'Kaa-san.' Kouji replied politely.

Before he could start eating, he looked at her with a questioning, too-familiar look.

Her eyes looked at the floor as a dark atmosphere invaded the kitchen. She answered his silent question carefully seconds later. 'He ate before going to sleep. He will wake up in an hour or two. You don't have to ask him to eat.'

'I see.' He replied shortly and started eating slowly.

'Kouji, you can always go outside. It is not like we want you to take care of him and the house.' Her heart felt heavy when she stated her words. Sometimes she felt helpless despite everything she did along with her husband. Unable to help a sick son and unable to relieve her other son from the unreasonable self-blame he constantly felt. Sometimes she felt as if she had failed in her role as a mother…

Kouji didn't comment on her words, leaving her opinion open to all possibilities. He wouldn't leave simply because he didn't want to. It wasn't a matter of taking care of his brother or being responsible for the house. It was a matter of needing to be there despite knowing very well that his brother was more than capable of taking care of himself. _He_ had never been a burden despite everything he went through.

Heavy silence breathed between them till his mother said suddenly. 'Oh, I am late. I'd better go. All the emergency numbers are on the fridge. If you want anything, ask one of the neighbors or go to Hiroshi-sensei in his client. It is closer than a hospital if something went wrong and if you wanted to leave just call me or your father to inform us. Don't forg-

She went on and on talking about the every day instructions. He had memorized those words till they lost their effect. They were dug inside his mind so there was no way he would forget closing the windows and the curtains when the night falls nor would he open to strangers. Heck, he was thirteen and completely capable of being responsible. It had been always that way. Nothing would change.

Or at least that what he silently wished. No changes were good enough to keep moving on.

His mother left after giving him a kiss on the cheek. She disappeared in one of the rooms, opening its traditional door on the corridor's right side. The room's door was similar to the doors in old, traditional house that you need to kneel a bit to enter. For two minutes, she remained there before closing the door gently and hurrying towards the door. After a wave of goodbye to Kouji, she left.

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The plate was full even after ten minutes of pretending to eat. With a sigh, he left the kitchen table and headed towards the small room; the same which his mother entered minutes ago.

The room was cold and dark yet it was comfortable as if a weird magic had kept it charming, despite the initial impression it gave who entered it.

His fingers moved automatically to the button beside the wall, switching on the light. The dim artificial light enabled the room to reveal itself as the thick, black curtains were tightly shut. A tidy desk was taking care of a pile of books and other school papers along with an alarm clock. The closed closest was seated against the midnight painted wall. Most of the furniture were painted in a mixture of black and soft blue. The walls decorations didn't lost the childhood touch they had when the room's occupant was a child. The same little, smiling -literally- yellow stars were thrown carefully against the midnight wall. A drown yellow small moon that carried a small star with its banana-like shape centered the stars.

In the middle of the room, a comfortable futon was stretched lazily. A soundly sleeping figure-or that how it appeared- was nested under the heavy blanket.

Kouji had stopped long ago wondering about how his brother was able to bear heavy clothes in summer. Yet, he knew it was much better than risking the possibility of getting the summer flu.

Quietly, Kouji sat beside the sleeping boy. His dark blue eyes took in the too familiar sleeping expression of his brother.

'Tadaima.' He whispered gently with softness he only recognize when they were alone. He stretched his hesitant fingers brushed some wet hair from the asleep face. A sympathetic sigh escaped him when he realized that the already gone fever two days ago had returned. Fortunately, it didn't look that bad or else his mother would stay by his side. Sometimes, it seemed as if the fever refused to leave his brother's body whenever it had the slightest chance to come back.

They say when twins are born, one is usually strong while the other could be stuck in the weaker body because they were half of each other. They were supposed to be a single body that was divided into two. An equal two. However in usual cases, the elder twin is born as the stronger because he had been born first and had taken more than the poor younger twin. In sever cases, the younger twin might be born dead.

However, it was the other way around for them. He, the younger twin, was born perfectly healthy while his elder twin was forced to stay in the hospital for weeks. He had been a day old maybe but somehow, he could imagine his parents pained expressions when the doctors had told them that the chance of the elder twin's was slim.

His brother survived, though.

But they weren't equal or so people believed. For him, they were but in a strange way. His elder twin was weaker, sick yet so smart and caring unlike him. They were close; closer that normal brothers or even twins. Whenever there was a chance for them to appear in the public, he would hold his brother's hand to make sure that he was fine...that he wouldn't collapse because of being sick. Ironically, ill people aren't usually so stubborn but his brother was even more stubborn that him. He would never miss an exam even if he was hardly able to attend more than two months in the whole school year. Whenever they were together at school or anywhere else, Kouji had to suffer from annoying and accusing dirty looks. The only reason that prevented him from tearing those jerks apart was his brother's presence. His twin looked so clueless to whatever those people were hinting to, so Kouji couldn't destroy the blissful innocence he was in just to start a fight with them and drag accusations verbally out of them. Luckily, they were too coward to face him. Sometimes he wished if his twin didn't attend school at all. It would have been much better for both of them. His parents tried to convince his brother to take classes at home. They repeated over and over that they would like to bring him teachers in everything he wanted at home but he refused. To be honest, his brother didn't need teachers. He was the one wit the highest mark in the whole school despite everything.

Some of their classmates claimed that twins are _supposed_ to be equal in their intelligence so when Kouji could barely scratch an A in all of his exams while his twin got full marks, questioning marks should appear. Some said that the teachers felt sorry for him so they gave him the best marks but it wasn't a logical reason even for their limited minds. There was a handicapped kid in their class but he was treated just like any other kid. Teachers became quite harsh while dealing with his brother when he attended classes as if defending themselves against the rumors. His twin had never been in need of special treatment, though, and he would rather fail than get something he didn't deserve.

Kouji didn't know if he was supposed to tell him about that the final exams would start two days later. His twin had been to the hospital for the whole previous week and he needed few days of resting at home. He had been too tired since he came back and had barely slept last night because of his fever and the blasted nightmares that ended up with him crying for something incoherent desperately. He had been in his room several times when that happened but he had never been able to make the nightmares more tolerable over the years.

Usually, he stay in the stary room for ten minutes before leaving to finish his lunch. Somehow, he had never finished his lunch while it was warm but that was the least of his worries.

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Doing the house chores like cleaning the dishes became more of a habit than a duty. And he wound up quite good in cleaning them efficiently and quickly. His mind was blank for a while as if enjoying the ability of not thinking of anything while gazing at the dishes when the soup above them formed small colorful bubbles. He liked bubbles when he was a kid but he wasn't really sure if he liked them at the moment.

Too occupant with nothing, he didn't recognize the light footsteps that reached the table kitchen behind him. Somewhere in the footsteps journey, they lost balance and asked for a supporter. The kitchen chair was there to offer all the support the footsteps owner wanted. The movement of the chair startled Kouji, causing the dish he was carrying to slip and nearly shatter once it clashed with the dishes in the sank.

'It is me. Okaeri nasai, Kouji.' The reassuring voice cast its magic upon Kouji's soul. A sigh of relief was its direct effect. For a second, Kouji wondered if the words were meant to placate the panicked dish as well. It was a miracle that it didn't chatter.

Once Kouji collected his thoughts, he turned to face the sound's owner who was now sitting on one of the chairs. The sight of him made Kouji's heart clench and smile at the same time. His presence was enough to bring joy. The pale blue eyes that were different from his dark ones were comforting and kind; even kinder than their mother eyes. Dark Bluish, short hair formed a gentle frame around the other's pale face; paler than his own. However, the sweat dribbles covering his forehead with the pink feverish blush on his cheeks reminded him of the other's pain and caused him to react rather violently.

'What are you doing here? You should rest.' His shouted out with uncontrolled worry that sounded like anger. Anger because he couldn't do something to control the worry.

To his familiar shock, his brother chuckled playfully. 'Seriously, I'd do anything just not to hear this sentence everyday, Kouji, How many times do you say it anyway?' His voice was kind and amused as he trailed like a playful child. Hearing the deceivingly healthy tone made Kouji blush in embarrassment. Sometimes, his brother acted as if he wasn't sick at all. As if he was totally normal.

'But you have a fever, Kouichi-nii.'

He only called him Kouichi-nii when he lose the ability to convince him of something, hoping that the quite polite tone might work. It had never worked though.

Kouichi shrugged helplessly. 'When didn't I have fever?'

Surprisingly, Kouji wasn't taken aback by his brother's rhetorical question. Instead, he dried his hands and slippeed in the chair beside Kouichi, enjoying the silence.

'How was the curry?' Kouichi asked softly after few minutes to restart a conversation with the faintest feeling of guilt because of his previous question.

'It was good.'

'You ate it cold, ne?'

'Hmm.' Kouichi always knew that he waited his mother to leave to come to his room and check on him before finishing his food. Simply, because Kouji couldn't prevent his mother from the pleasure of putting his food in plates and preparing the table for him. It was enough for her that Kouichi ate in his room most of the time.

'Something interesting happened in school?' It seemed as if asking the twenty questions was their way to talk without feeling awkward. They didn't need them though. They were comfortable in their silence.

'Nothing much. Everyone is worried because of the approaching exams.'

Kouji slapped himself mentally for slipping that information carelessly. He turned to study his brother's facial expression then slapped himself again once a small smile played on Kouichi lips.

'No, you are not going. You can set for the exams when you are better.' Kouji started the argument with a quick attack. Attacking is better than defense as they say.

'But I am much better now.' Kouichi's small voice was heart breaking. The way he looked at the now cleaned table while playing with his fingers like a child was irresistible.

Kouji didn't hate that his brother was true. He really looked better. At least he wasn't hardly breathing or unable to walk. He had walked to the kitchen on his own after all and had his breakfast for the first time in a while.

The younger twin sighed in defeat, earning a victorious smile from his brother. He was used to losing battles easily. Hopefully, his parents would agree to let Kouichi go to school for the first time that week.

* * *

The silent humming melody sang in the space. Kouichi's pale, blue eyes were glued to the window, a strange joy blinked in his eyes as if he found a treasure. The golden sun was sending its last greetings to the earth, allowing the small stars to start their mission in enlightening the universe. The moon would certainly follow in an hour and he would great him in his dreams as usual. It would turn into a pure feather. This time, he would touch it and hold it to his heart…but the chaining roots would remain there clutching him to the land and disabling him from joining the sweet feather. He wondered how soft it could be or would it turn into dust stars once his finger touch it. He really wanted to touch it, to go far away from the dreams world and the real world. Yet, He felt sorry for the roots. They loved him dearly and their voices were always begging him not to leave because they needed him. It was weird, he noted. He could remember the dreams so clearly as if they were real but when he was there, he barely remember who he was. It didn't matter too much to know who he was anyways. No one would ask him in a dream what was his name. There, he forgot that he was sick but he remembered being a burden…to himself.

A dreamy cloud made his eyes even paler with the unconscious, numbing feeling the dream caused as they turned slowly into a dazzling color that could challenge the bright sky's color . He could see the darkening sky while everything vanished. There was no walls around him nor windows to prevent the stars from dancing in front of his eyes. In the middle of nowhere he was, a reaching hand begged for nothing and everything again but something was wrong. His hand ached him as was his thumping heart. Instead of the relieving illogical tears, there was a heavy, hard breath as if he was struggling to allow air to reach his lungs. Air? He had never felt the wind there before. The reaching hand returned as the eyes squeezed in unknown pain. His other hand's fingers came closer to his chest, touching the fabric above his heart. Clothes? Had he ever felt them in a dream? They were always there, covering his body and preventing a non existent chill from reaching his skin. He was feeling the thin cloth above his heart. He clutched it in pain. An involuntary hiss of suffering escaped his lips. Sweat was heavier and colder.

Yet, he forced his free hand to reach the gradually appearing moon. His hand was screaming but it didn't matter. His chained feet struggled to move but the roots were stronger than ever, tightening him to the ground and pleading him to stop moving…to stop going away.

The roots were screaming with his name and other things he didn't recognize; didn't care to recognize.

_'Kouichi!'_

The voice was echoing around him, banishing the sad stars from his vision and forcing the moon to retreat beyond dark clouds.

_'Kouichi!'_

He wasn't sure that that was his name. It didn't mean anything to him. Just strings of letters like the simple_ "Later then."_ he uttered every night to the peaceful sky. It wasn't peaceful in this dream. It wasn't anything. Flat and high. Just covering everything. Over there. Higher than he had ever seen.

He couldn't reach the feather. It didn't appear yet and there was nothing he could clutch. The chains stretched till it tied his wrists and chest kindly. The chains had never hurt and for the first time, he was glad that they were there when everything had vanished into blurriness.

'Kouichi!'

He didn't realize that his eyes had responded to the absent command of waking up. But he wasn't asleep, was he?

Few minutes passed and everything came into focus gradually. The first thing he noticed was his left hand, clutching his heart tightly while his other hand was forcibly pinned beside his body.

'Kouichi.'

He could recognize the panic in the tone now yet he couldn't place its source. His orbs kept moving anxiously for a whole minute.

'Kouichi, please.' The voice was begging him…just like the chains.

He forced his eyes to look up. There were pair of tearful blue eyes staring at him fearfully.

'Kouichi…' the source was coming from those eyes or rather from the quivering lips that the eyes owner have.

With another blink, a flaw of images rushed crazily to his mind, causing him a mind-smashing headache.

'Kouji?' his lips moved without his order as if the word was already on his tongue.

The kitchen came into focus slowly. The thick curtains hid the small part the window revealed. He was leaning on Kouji's chest. The chair was stumbled behind him as if it had fallen because of his own fall.

'What happened?' Kouji's struggling to placate the worry in his tone failed epically.

'I don't know.' Shockingly, his voice was calm without any hint of stuttering. The unbearable pain in his body had vanished and was replaced by the merciless headache.

Kouji had accepted his answer without further questions. He helped him to his room. Five minutes later, he was tugged under the futon blanket with Kouji hovering beside him.

'H-How do you feel?' Kouji cursed his voice for trembling.

'I am fine.' The answer was supposed be" I feel better" but he wasn't feeling better. The pain he felt in his dream was more tolerable than the pain he couldn't feel at the moment except for the headache.

Kouji's eyes looked away bitterly, gaining a comforting tug from Kouichi's fingers with the softer and more believable: 'I am fine. It was an attack. Nothing is wrong.'

The younger twin bit his lower lips furiously. It was far from nothing. That wasn't the first time he felt loosing his brother to nothingness. That is why he hated the dark sky. When Kouichi had stared blankly at the sky through the nearby window, he panicked and tried uselessly to talk about anything, to ask him if he can study with him for the exams, if he needed his notebook. He had gone far enough to tell him that he would convince their parents to allow him to come to school. Nothing had worked, though. Kouichi's blue eyes became paler and brighter as if gazing at something far beyond him. There was a small content smile that terrified him. He touched his hand and started shaking him violently, calling his name but Kouichi seemed unconscious to the outer world. Then his elder twin's hand stretched to reach something invisible to him. Kouji had nearly collapsed then. Something was happening. His twin wasn't there with him. He wanted to be somewhere else…far away from everything else. Angrily, Kouji tried pinning Kouichi's hand and keeping it on the table but the hand had resisted, forcing Kouji to twist it in a painful angel. Kouichi's scream accompanied his attempts. And then, his twin fell to the ground with his other hand, clutching his heart while the other arm trembled in pain. After few whimpers from Kouichi and frantic attempts on his side, Kouichi opened his eyes.

He hated the stars for that and despised the beautiful, silver moon. They seemed as if they intended to take his brother away from him no matter how illogical that thought sounded.

Doctors gave him and his parents no answers for his brother's...condition, classifying it as a sort of weird trance that had nothing to do with physical reasons… just like Kouichi's continuous illness. Kouichi was weak but his body was working perfectly. Nothing was wrong about his organs. Everything inside him was normal. His mind was working far better than kids at his age. Yet he was always sick…and there was nothing anyone could do.

'Kouji?'

Kouji eyes moved immediately to Kouichi. 'Yeah.'

'Stop worrying about me. That would take you nowhere.' the innocent advice was sleepy and tired while its owner was drifting off slowly to slumber.

'No. Don't sleep!'

Kouichi blinked in confusion. 'W-What?'

'I-I mean you have an exam. You should study even if you were a genius.'

Kouichi smiled sweetly. 'You mean, you won't tell out parents about the attack. I can set for the exams then.'

'I won't.' If Kouichi would stay awake by his side for few hours, he wouldn't mind hiding what happened from their parents. They couldn't do anything anyway besides the family had stopped talking or commenting on Kouichi's strange attacks as long as he snapped out of them every time. They tried to believe that those attacks would stop once everyone stop talking about them but unlike his parents, Kouji wasn't sure if his twin could abandon whatever he was seeing in that condition for long. Sometimes he felt as if Kouichi was truly enjoying being absent to the world...as if he was searching desperately for isolation.

Their fourteenth birthday was coming closer after all. And with it, fear was sliding like a snake towards his heart. The fear he felt whenever their birthday came. Kouichi had never spent his birthday with him at home. Somehow, he ended up in the hospital every time. Their small birthday party was forced to delay itself for two weeks at least to be held in a hospital room. The longest time Kouichi spent in a hospital was around their birthdays.

No one give reasons but Kouji felt like knowing. When they were born, they were supposed to be one and that one should have been his brother but fate had interfered and gave him the higher possibility of living after stealing what was supposed to be his twin.

They were supposed to be born as equals but that didn't work and he was struggling with guilt whenever he saw his brother's pain. Their mum didn't expect twins at all when she gave birth to them. It had been his fault. He shouldn't have been born. Kouji was never able to shake the feeling that he was a deadly mistake. Every time their birthday comes, he wished he could be the one who was stuck in the hospital with cold devices to monitor him.

'It is okay, Kouji.'

Kouichi words saved him from the mental self punishment he played over himself.

'Sure, it is, Nii-san.'

They exchanged similar smiles. Both knew that they were fake but at least the same…

**To Be Continued ...!~...**

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**Author Note**

Title translation: **The Midnight Sky**

Heeeeey, everyone ^.^ Long time no see, ne?

This story is quite weird even for me. Despite how much I try to make it look clearer, it became even more confusing but that is not bad. I wish you enjoyed this chapter. I will try to update regularly for this fic. Once a month is fine.

Please everyone tell me what you think. That makes me super happy =^.^=

(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)

Tadaima: I am back

Okaeri Nasai: Welcome back

'Kaa-san: Mum

Nii-san: Dear elder brother.


	3. Second Drop: To Live in a Nightmare

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**The Second Drop**

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**Akumu no Naka de Ikiru**

Like scared shadows in a stormy sea, the silent thoughts retreated to the back of his mind. Yet they enjoyed nagging him whenever his blue eyes abandon the book's neat lines. Reading had always helped to ignore thoughts but when most of what he was reading was related to his thoughts, it became harder.

The soft sound of the closed book announced the end of the current reading session. Time was running so fast as if it wanted to busy him with the life's tricky changes. Some of them were expected, others were strange…even by his standards. The summer holiday had started four days ago but without plans to spend it. That slight change was as flat as the surface of water in a motionless cup. The other change was quite strange and a bit nerve-racking. How ironic it was to be worried because of his improved health. Surely, it was strange to feel fine a week before his birthday but it shouldn't be irritating to feel healthy or as healthy as he could be. It seemed as if nothing would change even if he felt better. His life would go on in its annoying routine. Sometimes, he wondered whether he really wanted to get better. There wasn't any proof that this slight improvement meant something good. Maybe it was the climax stage before the falling action like in drama's analysis. His parents didn't comment on that supposed happy change. They tried to act as if nothing had changed despite the uneasiness they felt whenever he insisted(and was clearly fine) on going out with Kouji to the nearby super market or to water the garden flowers. During the daylight of course. There was no way they would allow him to see the night sky. It was dangerous, they said. He had believed them long time ago but recently he couldn't find a reason for their fear or their...selfishness.

They had stolen the real sky from him, replacing it with dumb wall papers and books about astronomy. In his dreams, he found the desired relief yet sometimes he couldn't help but wonder if the real sky looked like the dream's one or like the sky in documentary programs. For some reason, he didn't even think about the real sky in his dreams as if he didn't want to see it at all. It wasn't strange. He could hardly remember anything while being there after all.

It didn't matter too much not to know anything about his identity and life there. But it became noticeably painful to lack identity. Sometimes he had that strange feeling that he wasn't the same person who was gazing at the midnight sky. As if he was seeing all that through another person's eyes. Funnily, he couldn't decide whether he hated the feeling of hosting a weird soul in a weird world. It was hard to explain how he felt there as if his body was owned by someone from another world while his emotions and consciousness were slowly slipping from his control.

Attacks, the synonyms of daydreams, hadn't occurred since the incident that night. Back then, he had been talking to Kouji then stared eagerly at the small piece of the sky that revealed itself through the kitchen window. Somehow, he ended up looking at the dreams' sky instead of the "real" one. It had been painful as if a dagger had been stabbed to his heart. He couldn't remember screaming then but if Kouji was that afraid then his condition was seriously terrifying. Kouji hadn't mentioned anything to their parents so they had agreed that he could set for the final year exam in addition to the surprising Maths exam. Of course, he and his brother took more than an hour and half to convince them that he was perfectly capable of setting for the exam. Eventually, his parents gave up once he sounded quite hopeless regarding their agreement. No matter how stubborn they were, they couldn't resist the desperate look in his eyes. He didn't know why but he didn't mind looking so. It had been the reality after all. He was living without a hope or a future. Studying and boring reading were means to pass the time, to forget that he couldn't be able to continue like any normal boy at his age. What was the point in getting the highest grades if he couldn't even face those who were supposed to be his competitors? He was fighting tirelessly to reach anything he could even if that thing was a halfheartedly scratched A from a confused teacher. The hateful looks that didn't sympathy him were burning him whenever he was able to attend classes. Envy and jealousy were the only things he managed to attract from them. He couldn't blame them though. He was taking everything for himself without deserving it. After all, he wasn't the one suffering in school and between classes.

'Stop it.' He muttered, squeezing his eyes as if banishing the thoughts away.

'Stop thinking!'

He couldn't stop though. He wanted to go back there…where he truly belonged…but he had promised Kouji that he would try keeping the attacks away. It was hard to refuse the tempting numbness to engulf him when his thoughts strangled him. He would be safe there but he would be nothing. Just nobody who was looking at a dreamy world and clutching it as if it was his reality.

But it was his reality. That world hadn't hurt him. There was no one there to call him a freak because he was a weird boy who could fell in coma just by watching some stupid stars. Sometimes, he felt as if he was freaking his family out. He was expecting them to leave him at any moment or to dumb him in a hospital for mental people. But they remained by his side, supporting him as much as they could yet they kept him away from the only relief he knew.

They were the warm chains.

There had been a time when he wished nothing more than death. Maybe it would have been much better if he had died in his birth. He would have released them from the stress they were living in. Once he had told Kouji that in a moment of desperation. Kouji had refused to talk to him for three days after shouting at him about how stupid he was by thinking so and that he would rather die than imagining his life without him. It made him sick. They loved him but sometimes he begged his dreams to embrace him so he could stay away from them. Every birthday he experienced the feeling of dying. The pain, the loneliness, the flashes of memories passing by him while he couldn't even scream for a release. This year was the first year, he felt afraid of his birthday. Every time, he would wait patiently for the pain to embrace him. Back then, he had gladly accepted it, thinking it might be the last time he feel it, hoping that it would be the last time he could open his eyes.

But he had survived so far. Till now, he wasn't sure if he wanted to remain alive.

If remaining alive would allow him to continue dreaming then living wasn't that bad.

In the back of his mind, he imagined his brother's tearful face. Was it his right to wish to leave everything behind? But he had nothing except his small family. The family that would certainly be better without his existence. There would be no reason then for letting curtains cover every window during the night. They would be able to enjoy the midnight sky happily. Who knew maybe they would attend the festivals that were held at night.

He struggled to stand steadily. It took more than a minute just to reach the wall beside the futon he was sitting on.

Small hands touched the drawn nearby group of stars. Here, he could touch those fake stars but that had never made him feel better. The starry wallpapers reminded him with his parents' guilt.

He wondered if the real sky was really this cruel to cause him harm. But wasn't he the one who surrendered to his thoughts, allowing them to take him away so he could reach the pure feather? Everyone could gaze at the night sky once they want yet not everyone appreciate the gift they was granted by such simple action. He envied them. All of them. All of those who could look indifferently at anything without feeling those who were dying to have a glance. Even the blind. It wasn't their fault nor those around them that they lost the gift of seeing and he believed that God has a reason to do so. But in his case, it was his parents and the world's attempts to take what he loved away. If he was so easily able to look at the sky, would he truly appreciate it or feel eager to see it like he was then? A question that had rang in his ears for years. It was ridiculous somehow. Who would be stupid enough to care about the darkness the sky radiated at night or the small white dots in a black blanket?

Dreaming about dreams wouldn't make his life better or even worse. It would keep it unmoving just like how it was for nearly fourteen years. Why couldn't he challenge his fears and try to go out even for once? Was it his fear that the real sky was much beautiful than what he imagined in his dreams? Was it because he didn't want to lose faith in what the dreams told him about the cruelty of reality.

A strong, scary sound sliced the silent thoughts cruelty from behind the thick walls. Another had joined it with a softer bomb. His eyes widened in realization. The fireworks. He was never able to imagine how they truly look aside from the books and the TV. What colors did they have? Were they truly flowers or artistic shapes flying in the sky? Were they closer to the sky than his fingers in a dream?

He realized then that he had never seen fireworks in his dreams before. Funnily, he hadn't thought about them. All what he cared about was the dark color of the limitless sky along with the twinkling stars and the smiling moon. Would it be a fully grown moon in the nearby festival? Was it truly more beautiful than the banana- like moon he usually see?

Sumidagawa Hanabi Taikai. That great firework he heard a lot about. It was held at the last Saturday of July. His birthday was on the first of August which meant a whole week before it in the hospital. There hadn't been a chance to be there. But maybe he could have his chance now.

A quick glance at the calendar made him smile. It was 25th of July. The last Saturday would be in the 30th of July. He wondered if he was lucky or totally damned. His birthday would be directly after the festival.

Suddenly, he felt like wanting to see the fireworks and the fully grown moon in the festivals sky and the glorious boats dancing over the Sumida river. There would be fireworks from all colors there, right? He would be strong enough not to open his thoughts to his dreams there. Yes. He would go and make sure to compare what he could see and what he had always seen.

He didn't know the reason for this sudden passion but a little whispering voice told him that it would be his only chance to be out there. Surely he would collapse later on but it wouldn't hurt to have a good memory when he was stuck in the hospital numbness.

He wanted to go because it felt right.

After all, it might be his last time to enjoy anything outside a dream.

* * *

Playful and kind wind rushed into the warm house. The sun was smiling brightly outside, brightening the beautiful weather and offering what seemed like an ever-lasting light. Another gentle wave broke into the kitchen causing his long hair to obscure his vision. He groaned in clear annoyance and wished for a millisecond to cut the disobedient brushes.

'Temper, Kouji.' his father laughed at his grumpy expression.

'Can't you close the window, please?'

His annoyed tone told his father politely to shut up. It was enough that he had to dry the dishes while his mother was busy suiting the right temperature to bake the deliciously looking cookies. A readymade Black Forest Cake was neatly wrapped on the shelf's corner.

He sighed. Why was he that obedient to agree on helping his mother to make some cookies as a celebration for his and Kouichi's success? What did it matter if his brother got the highest marks in school? It wasn't like Kouichi had a good reason for studying so hard. It was futile, they knew yet none thought of discouraging him.

It was a normal day. His father came early from his work so he could join the family's happy celebration.

'Otou-san, Okaa-san...'

Kouji's head snapped towards the voice's source in a quick movement that his neck hurt instantly. Kouichi was standing beside the couch in the living room, eyes down. How he managed to enter the living room without their notice wasn't surprising. His steps had always been soft.

Tomoko forgot the cookies and ran towards her elder son in panic and helped him to the nearby long couch. He didn't mind her help and offered her worried face a placating smile. He seemed as if he didn't need the help but didn't want to upset her. His father turned the TV off and approached him worriedly.

'Is something wrong, dear?' she whispered in concern however her voice was less panicked than usually.

Kouichi shook his head and gave another small, reassuring smile. 'I am fine. I-I just wanted to ask for something.'

A mutual silent sigh of relief erupted from the three of them. His father was the first to react. 'You can ask for anything, son.'

'I..' he paused and gazed at the carpet then collected his courage and closed his eyes. His request was uttered as fast as he could in fear of losing the confident he got to ask for it.

'I want to go to Saturday's festival.'

Wide eyes looked at him as if abnormal thing had been revealed in front of them. Kousei's face paled few degrees. He blinked in disbelief as if wishing he hadn't heard the request correctly. Slow moments of silence followed. He shared a concerned look with his wife before realizing that they had heard the same thing accurately.

'But Kouichi…'

This but was their introduction to a polite way in refusing his request. How could they throw their son to the danger of facing violent attacks? If the night sky was a somewhat a trigger for those attacks then it would be a deadly mistake to allow him out. A day before his birthday.

Yet they didn't want to say no to him.

'It had been a while since the last attack. I would be fine. Please, let me go.' He was desperately pleading, tears brimming on the corner of his eyes.

That wasn't right, Kouji thought. His twin would never cry unless he couldn't take it anymore. Kouichi had pleaded his parents before but he had never seemed so…desperate as if the decision would determine his life.

'Please. I need to go.' The whimper was heartbreaking.

His mother pleaded tearfully, engulfing him in her embrace tightly. 'You can't go. You will be hurt. Please, sweetie.'

Kouichi didn't return the hug, terrifying her even more. He whispered weakly as if talking to himself. 'Just for once. For the last time…'

A chill occupied their souls. No one understood the reason behind such a tragic change.

He released himself from his mother's hug a bit harshly and took few steady steps back. A determined voice echoed in the room. The initial hesitance had disappeared. 'I will go.'

'You won't!' that was his father. Despite his trying to look bold, his body was slightly trembling with concern and rage. It hadn't been so hard to deal with the gentle elder twin before. He resumed, using a voice that pretended to have authority. 'You should stay home beside it is the time for your medicine.'

'You know very well that I don't take that medicine.' Kouichi muttered quietly, his voice became similar to his usual tone. 'Please, Otou-san I just need some fresh air…'

His excuse seemed reasonable but his parents didn't want to listen. They were scared.

'No!' his mother joined his father after encouraging herself to stop crying. The high-pitched tone was stern. 'You don't need to go outside. It is dangerous. You are fine here. With us.'

'I am not!' He shook his head slowly, tortured tears traveled towards his slightly bruised lip from biting it too much. 'I need to go.' A soft barely audiable plead.

No one responded. The tension grow thicker as blood. And he couldn't take it anymore. He gritted his teeth and cried out, 'I am sick of everything!'

The last few words exploded in a shrieked shout, a voice that was louder than he had ever dared to utter.

* * *

The second Kouichi thought about taking his angry words back once he noticed his parents pained expressions, his heart stopped.

Nearly stopped. The significance of time vanished. His body completely shut itself down. Kouichi gasped as if inhaling the last breath he could manage. The world around him became so fuzzy and scary and tempting. And he was afraid of the sweet temptation. His knees gave up and he fell to the invisible floor. A piercing pain tore his insides. He clutched his chest and screamed. Other shouting voices evaporated and the dreamy sky appeared but instead of its fascinating midnight color bloody red colored the high doom.

That couldn't be happening whatever it was. _Not now_, he shouted out mentally. He didn't want to experience swinging between life and death. Not when he was so close of achieving a silly dream.

_What dream?_ He faintly wondered.

_No!_

_I-I can't_

_I don't want to!_

His back was burning. The Sleeved T-shirt was melting and tearing up crazily or maybe it was his imagination. It wasn't like his senses were working perfectly. They seemed as if they weren't working at all. He screamed again and squeezed his eyes, stinging tears escaped out of pain.

The pain toyed with him. His heart beat as fast as he could to enable him to breath but it wasn't working. His chest hurt. His head was shattered. Invibile daggers were separating his soul from his body. The ability of uttering screams were taken from him mercilessly. He stopped even trying to release a pleading shout.

He wanted to die.

The pain might stop.

Forever.

And the pain stopped obediently following an order; someone's else order. The controlling low words came from a feminine soft voice that appeared from nowhere. Her voice was calm and…disappointed?

"Not yet…" the words whispered in a strangely soothing way as if assuring the trembling boy.

The pain wasn't replaced with relief, though. It wasn't replaced with anything. Numbness was welcomed and he forgot why did he protested in the beginning.

He felt the comforting wind against his bare back. The brush of feathers touches the soft skin gently to sooth the pain. A swinging feather danced towards him. He stood with ease, raised his head towards the scarlet sky. There was nothing to look at except the twinkling black feather. He cupped his hands together like a child who wanted to grasp the snow flakes. It didn't matter why he wanted to touch it when he could feel feathers move ever slightly under the wind's domination on his back…

* * *

Outside the world he closed himself in, several things happened at once. The window's glass shattered suddenly after the heated words he uttered to his parents. Strong wind occupied the room, causing a horrible voice. A completely different image from the wind from earlier. Tomoko had screamed when a vase fell to the floor and shattered. The wind's speed and strength was blinding. The married couple hold into each other and sheltered their eyes. The wind was angry and frightening, crashing every thing in its way. Several antics were knocked to the floor to shatter mercilessly.

Kouji was scared. Truly scared. He didn't even move to cover his face. Frozen in his place, he tried desperately to understand what was going on. He stared at his twin with shocked eyes. Kouichi had collapsed, arms wrapped around himself. Screams fill the room. Their parents were helplessly trying to overcome the wind's rage to reach his collapsed brother.

The day that started so normally was falling apart with every passing second. The wind continued forming some sort of a wall between them and Kouichi.

Why?

Why was it happening to them?

It was't normal. Nothing of that was normal...but his life had never been truly normal. Yet that was a totally different stage of abnormality. Absentmindedly, he took a step closer. The wind rushed towards him, defending the distance it kept between him and his brother. Kouji didn't care but the second he moved furthur closer, the wind grow angrier.

Drip...Drip...Drip.

Tiny drops of blood appeared on his cheek. He blinked. If it weren't for his parents concerned shouts that ordered him to step back, he wouldn't have noticed the neat cuts that covered his wrists. A confused glance moved from the faint cuts to lie upon his twin.

He gritted his teeth and cursed loudly. 'Damn it. STOP!'

Silence followed his wind's piercing sound vanished.

The wind calmed down dramatically. His twin's screams had stopped as well. Kouichi raised his head and looked in front of him. Eyes brighter than usual, palms cupped together, patiently waiting unseen object to fall into their embrace. It took Kouji a minute to notice the outline of glorious white wings fluttering behind his twin's back. It must be his imagination. Yes. That couldn't be true. It was a nightmare. A living nightmare.

Slowly, a small smile crept to brush Kouichi's lips. The wind played gently with the fascinating fallen black feathers that surrounded the white wings.

Kouji couldn't think of anything. Anything at all. His thoughts abandoned him tragically. He stood paralyzed, his senses completely unaware of his parents hesitant approaching steps. The only thing he managed to sense was the slow disappearance of brother's presence.

Everything happened ridiculously fast. One moment he was standing like a status, the other moment he found himself running towards his brother with unearthly determination. Before he could realize it, he slapped Kouichi with an enough force to knock him to the sickening sound of a skin touching skin replaced the soft wings' voice as they disappeared as eerily as they appeared.

Kouji shouted uncontrollably, heavy tears fell down shamelessly. 'Where do you want to go? Damn it! What about us?' Kouji didn't know why he had said that. He didn't even know the meaning of his own words. They made sense somehow. And it scared him to realize the words he uttered. His twin _wanted_ to leave. The awkward feeling of hating the night sky for what it hid shook him violently. Something was going to happen. He was sure of it.

Kouichi blinked few times as if brushing the haziness of a dream. He didn't even touch the place where Kouji's palm made contact with his cheek.

'Please, Nii-san…' more tears accompanied the now defeated voice. 'I-I will take you to...to the festival if that is what you wanted. J-just promise you would be fine. Please...'

His parents were so freaked out to comment on Kouji's offer. Clutching each other and observing their sons helplessly.

'Please...' Kouji closed his eyes to avoid looking at his brother's eyes. They had been blank few minutes ago and he was afraid to see that again. The wings had vanished, making him wonder if he had imagined them in the first place.

'Kouji...' His brother's normal confused tune alarmed him. He opened his eyes and stared disbelievingly at Kouichi's clear blue eyes. Kouichi gazed at him back and asked in a childish innocence. 'W-why are you crying? What happ-'

Kouji didn't even give him time to continue his question. He clutched him in a desperate hug, sobs continued falling. Kouji's arms were crashing his bones but he was so confused to feel the supposed pain.

Kouichi blinked again but didn't ask further. He returned the crushing embrace hesitantly. Over Kouji's shoulder, he saw his mother crying on his father's shoulder.

_I did it again, didn't I?_ A question the wind carried gently and kept it unanswered.

**To Be Continued ...!~...**

* * *

**...!~...**

**Author Note**

Title translation: **To Live in a Nightmare.**

When on earth am I going to stop saying weird after every chapter of this fic? *Sigh* That was awkward anyway.

The outside part (Kouji's perspective is a kinda of reflection to what was happening to Kouichi. The changes there are a bit quick and unexplained because It may seem a bit hectic but the description took its chance during Kouichi's _short_ perspective. I know that I didn't give the parents a dominant role here but sadly, they are out of place. The coming chapter will include Kousei though.

**Sumidagawa Fireworks Festival** (隅田川花火大会, _Sumidagawa Hanabi Taikai_) is an annual fireworks festival held on the last Saturday in July, over the Sumidagawa near Asakusa) (Wikipedia)

I made the last Saturday on 30th of July. Summer break in Japan starts in the late July. Here, the twins live in Asakusa, a district in Tokyo. God…I worked for weeks just to sit the right time sitting for this chapter. There are many festivals in Japan but it is not easy to pick the right one here….

Please tell me what you think about this chapter so far. I would be so grateful. Criticism is much appreciated as well^.^"


	4. The Third Drop: Beyond the Clouds

**...!~...**

**The Third Drop**

* * *

**...!~...**

**Kumo no Kanata**

The sun sank beyond the horizon, giving a farewell wave to the night, ordering it to take over. The fallen night didn't mean much to him. If it managed to do anything, it would be scaring him. Kouji wouldn't admit it but the mere thought of what hid behind the heavy curtains of his brother's starry room horrified him.

Coming back to earth, he felt his twin's touch above the healing scar on his cheek. The reason beyond that wound remained unspoken. The touch was as tender as a soft lost feather. Its magic was dazzling and comforting and nice. If it weren't for the guilty expression his brother's facial expressions wore, he would beg for that touch forever. He sighed voicelessly and gripped his brother's palm that was apologetically stroking the mysterious light cut on his right cheek. The bleeding had stopped much earlier yet that didn't prevent the guilt that was killing the elder twin. Kouichi dared a glance at him as if protesting but Kouji merely shook his head and returned his brother's hand tore his lap.

'I am fine, Nii-san. Besides it has nothing to do with you.' The second part was added a bit harshly in order to stop the expected apologize that was slowly forming in his twin's mind.

Kouichi didn't say a word but his eyes were obviously blaming himself without even knowing why.

'It is my fault.' He whimpered in a small, broken tone.

Kouji sighed again and replied, keeping his voice as gentle as he could. 'No, it wasn't. I was helping 'Kaa-san in the kitchen. I was clumsy enough to get hurt. You should be happy, though. You aren't the only clumsy one in the family.'

That was a lame lie. But Kouji couldn't think of any alternative. It was a miracle and a relief that Kouichi didn't remember anything. Thankfully, Kouichi wouldn't question his obvious lies. He had to notice bitterly how his brother accepted his silly story. Just like how he accepted everything else.

'You need some rest.' Kouji pushed him gently to lye on his futon.

Kouichi accepted his help and snuggled under the covers. The silence fell shortly after till Kouichi's hesitant words cut it. 'About the festival. I don-'

'I will take you there.'

Kouichi gazed at him in disbelief. 'It is okay if we don't go. I don't really want to…'

Kouji pointed out, 'You wanted to go and we will go. Okaa-san and Otou-san agreed.'

The elder twin closed his eyes and stared at the ceiling. 'I see. I don't even know why I want to go.'

The joy he had felt earlier evaporated. He had been so eager to go but he wasn't sure if it was the right choice.

Kouji breathed and muttered softly, 'It doesn't matter.'

* * *

Once Kouichi hid under the blanket sheets, he allowed his mind to wonder. Questions attacked him mercilessly and he surrendered to them simply because he couldn't do more than asking them to himself. Answers weren't available. What had he done? Why were they so scared over him when he opened his eyes? Why was Kouji shouting at him? Why was everything broken around him? Kouji's right cheek and his wrists were wounded as if a sharp blade played roughly with them.

He did something bad. Really bad. But he didn't know what it was.

Whatever he had done had made them scared and worried. He had scared Kouji and hurt his parents. His mother was crying. Was She scared because of him or over him? He didn't know what made everything upside down and he secretly didn't want to know. Maybe that is why he accepted the childish tale that Kouji narrated to him.

Was it wrong to ask for a time to be out? Maybe it wasn't his right to say no. Maybe he shouldn't have asked them in the first place. He had only thought about his desire to leave and forgot why he had been stuck at home in the first place.

And Kouji? What about him? He was important to him yet most of the time he forgot that he was even there. That he could be by his side. That he was a beautiful memory he should clutch.

Why can't he remember Kouji for once when he was in a dream? Was it because Kouji was a pillar of his real world? The strongest chain that tightened him to reality. But he loved Kouji. He would do anything to make sure that he was all right but somehow he wound up hurting him every time.

And now, he was skillfully pretending to be asleep, covering his whole body with his blanket. Kouji stayed with him after they had left the living room. They didn't talk much and Kouji was helplessly trying to explain the mess from before. The way Kouji looked at him was what worried him the most. It was as if Kouji was struggling not let him blame himself which meant that he had truly done something that he should be blamed for.

He couldn't remember anything after the heated argument he had with his parents. It seemed as if reality and dreams changed places. Usually he wouldn't remember reality while dreaming but now he couldn't remember his dream. Strange, it was midday. Attacks accompany the night.

Despite all the loss and confusion he felt, he couldn't deny that he had been slightly happy. After all, Kouji had promised to take him to the festival. It was selfish to be happy after the misery he caused his family but he couldn't help it. It was quite weird to hear that Kouji's sentence was the first thing that occurred to him after receiving a confusing slap. He hadn't even felt its pain and he had been glad for that. Otherwise, Kouji would have felt guilty.

Under the bloody looking sky, the feather was dancing towards him. He had reached out for it. And touched it for less than a second. The chains that had mysteriously vanished when he had found himself under that sky had returned more stronger than ever. They tightened him roughly, pulling him far away from the feather that had left after brushing against his palm. It was a strange feeling that he couldn't even describe. The few milliseconds felt like ages then. A burning sensation had overcome him . His back seemed as if it had been ripped apart. The wind's sound had reached him then. It had been a weird feeling but it had been welcomed by every fiber of his being as if that burning sensation was what he had looked for for ages.

He closed his eyes, returning to the thoughts of how the festival would look like. He sounded like a three-year-old child who was going to the zoo to see the brown teddy bear's large family. Hopefully, he wouldn't be startled like that child once realizing that his sweet teddy bear wasn't the same bear that existed in the zoo.

* * *

He felt cold. Freezing even. The coldness had nothing to do with the temperature in the room. His body was shivering, teeth stuttering illogically. He hugged himself tighter but that didn't stop the coldness that radiated from his very core. Kouji was alone and that enabled him to express his fear. The fear that he would rather die before showing it in front of his brother.

Shivering there alone was frightening even to him. Just thinking about what the horrifyingly pure wings could do was killing him slowly.

"I imagined them. They weren't real. No way that could be real. The wind has nothing to do with Nii-san!" he muttered to himself as if seeing those words would reassure him of their claim. He shook his head, dismissing the wild ideas before even allowing them to occur to him.

_'I am sick of everything…' _

For some reason, he hated the small, starry room. Maybe because the wallpapers were their father's first attempts to isolate his brother from the night sky outside. Back then, Kouichi hadn't dismissed their concern. A five-year-old child wouldn't say no to his parents when the tears were so obvious in his mother's eyes. Especially if he had been as timid as Kouichi.

And it continued. The starry sky was the elder twin's gate to the real sky outside the walls. He had never complained before. And that hurt his family even more. Kouichi had finally complained and their normal life shattered. After what happened, a small voice told him that nothing would be normal again.

A light knock on the door made him jump. His heart thumped fearfully. Since when did he grow so scared of the unexpected? His father's voice on the other side placated his illogical fear.

'Kouji, are you inside?'

'Yeah.' Fortunately, his voice was calm and strangely accepting his father's presence.

Kousei entered with a gentle smile. He gazed towards his elder son in concern. 'How is he doing?'

'Like always.'

'I see.'

Kousei wasn't sure if his younger son's avoiding eyes were crying or simply thinking deeply. He would be lying to himself if he claimed that he understood what had happened earlier. His son was perfectly fine after that. He hadn't even seemed to recognize what happened. He had continued hugging Kouji for another few minutes before chuckling suddenly, announcing that he could smell burnt cookies. However, the broken glass and their scared faces rang worried bells in the elder twin's heart. Luckily, Kouji was collected enough to take his brother to his room and fabricate whatever story to explain what had happened. No one talked about what happened after that. Even the obvious red mark on Kouichi's right cheek remained unnoticed by him or rather he was really good in pretending not to notice. Nevertheless, Kousei could expect how worried he was over his brother's light cuts.

'Do you really intend to take him to the festival?'

Kouji raised his head slowly and gave his father a helpless look that was foreign to him. 'What else could I do?' His voice cracked slightly.

'That will be dangerous!'

'As if I don't know!' Kouji shot back loudly even though his father's tone remained flat as if the elder man was hiding his worry miserably.

His father sighed then surrendered to the comforting ground to sit by his son's side. He looked much older than his age with dark circles around his eyes and few easily noticed white hairs just like how their mother looked. It made Kouji feel sorry for them. They were trying everything they could do, knowing that it was pointless especially when they don't seem to understand what was happening to their son. Not that he himself could.

The elder man ruffled with his pocket, thinking for a moment about taking a cigarette then remembering quite quickly where he was. It felt strangely good to smoke when he was worried and unable to think about what he was supposed to say. When Tomoko wasn't around, he could smoke few cigarettes to clear his mind. Another sigh was his reaction after the simple realization of his inability to smoke. After few minutes of flat silence, he resumed his talk, hoping his younger son would pay him some attention. 'You know that your birthdays are few days from now. It is dangerous to have an attack so soon. It is enough tha-

'That he would stay in the hospital for a month at least after turning fourteen. I know that! It had happened every damn birthday.'

Luckily for him, Kousei was calm enough not to hold back after his son's outraged words. 'We don't want this to happen this year too. I intended to take him to the hospital before your birthday. Two days before the festival. The doctors said it will be better to observe him earlier.'

'They don't care about him, Otou-san. To them, he is a freak.' Kouji muttered, breathing heavily after every word. He paused for few seconds to swallow his anger. There was no point in shouting at his father yet he couldn't help adding bitterly, 'Why do you take him to the hospital anyway? They couldn't help him. The medicines you buy just to relief your guilt are lying under his desk. You know that he wouldn't take them no matter what yet you didn't try to persuade him to.'

The words opened a wound that hadn't recovered yet. How could he persuade his son to take useless medicines when the first and only time Kouichi took something other than the normal vitamin, he fell into a comma for more than 48 hours. It was a miracle that he had lived then. His fragile nine-year-old body couldn't take the strong sleeping pills that were supposed to send him into a dreamless slumber.

Kouji had said a freak and his father couldn't really protest to the tactless use of the word. It was true that his son hadn't been normal since his birth. It was impossible to believe that the one-day baby managed to survive even after three weeks of being under artificial caring devices. About fourteen years ago, the doctors had said sorrowfully that the elder twin wouldn't survive yet they refused taking him off the life support machines. It was too cruel to kill a born baby when he was going to die on his own eventually. He had left the hospital with his wife few days after the twins' birth. Strangely, Tomoko was perfectly healthy as was the younger son. Back then, they had accepted the awaited death of their baby. Just as they started accepting their life with an only child which wasn't so hard as they didn't expect twins at all, the miracle happened.

The hospital had called but not to inform them with the expected death of the born baby but to tell them that the child is alive and able to go home with them anytime. His body was healthy without any trace of the weakness they assumed when he was hardly breathing.

The happy family had gone home but the happy life they waited didn't come. The child, Kouichi, was back to the hospital less than a month later because of a sudden fever. Since then, he had become a constant visitor. And in a way an interesting patient who magically attracted ambitious doctors to monitor his condition. It wasn't that Kousei had liked it but at least he felt that he was doing something even if it wasn't working. It was better than watching helplessly..

'He needs some change. Kouichi had concealed his desire to be outside long enough.' The words were flat and carefully uttered. The blue eyes crossed the small space that separated him from his sleeping twin. He murmured softly when his father didn't reply, 'He became sick of everything around him. He promised that he would be fine if we went there and Kouichi would never break a promise.'

Speechless, Kousei sighed. 'Seriously, you two are too stubborn.'

He smiled kindly and added. 'Just take care of him. I wish me and your mum can come with you but I think he would like to be out alone with you. We still have few days from then. It is a bit early to think about it now.'

He stood and looked dawn at his son. 'Get some sleep, Kouji. I know you don't like sleeping in his room.'

Kouji nodded but didn't offer further affirmation.

He turned again to look at his now sleeping brother. He knew that Kouichi wasn't asleep in the first hour or so but he hadn't tried to show him that.

Why did he promise to fulfill Kouichi's request? Was that because he was so sure that Kouichi wouldn't have an attack there? He surely trusted Kouichi's promises but that was different. Somewhere inside him, a feeling told him that this visit was important. That it was a matter of death or life. That feeling was part of the coldness he felt. However if that feeling would lead him to get some answers then he would go. His fear wasn't because of what might happen to Kouichi there. He was terrified of some unknown answers that were playing with him like a toy. H e was yearning for unknown answers which he could hardly find questions to and horrifying explanations that he was so sure he would be much better without.

Yet, he would go. Because he had to. He needed to.

**To Be Continued ...!~...**

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_**...!~...**_

**Author Note**

**Title Translation: **Beyond the clouds

Admitting that I am so late won't help much ,ne? *Sigh* Gomen nasai Minna-san but you know what exams/university work mean... A better way of apologizing is updating as fast as I can (I am doing my best !)

Certainly not my best ! But it half of it had stayed for a while in my documents! Well, this is a more explanation-like chapter. The coming chapter is quite cute(Almost done ) The real fun would start after that.

Feel free to tell me what you think! Cookies for everyone!(not burnt though). And sorry again for being late! *repeatedl bows*


	5. The Fourth Drop: Red Sky in the Morning

**...!~...**

**The Fourth Drop**

* * *

**...!~...**

**Yoake no Akai Sora**

Red sky in the morning; shepherds warnings. A storm was coming and a warning was given but it was idle. Nothing could be done except watching silently. It would be unforgetable day. Everything looked so holy…so innocently seducing to let go of everything. He could easily smell the death smile in the air yet that smell was mixed with something fresh. A fantastic mixture of life and death. His subconscious acted as if the trip was approaching its close despite his weak attempts to concentrate on anything other than the suffocating air of death. A calm smile brushed his lips gently sympolizing both sides' futile efforts. He would wait and see.

His pale fingers closed the window and released the dark curtains from their grip omitting any evidence of ever touching it. Kouichi left his place by the window's side and moved towards his brother's bed. Seriously, what had gotten into him to go to Kouji's room? Maybe it was possible to open the younger twin's window unlike his own window. It was carefully locked after all.

He felt a sudden pang of guilt when he looked at Kouji's peaceful features. He didn't really understand the reasons but a part of him wanted to apologize.

A mystery, soft, soothing and gentle, like the whisper of a child murmuring its happiness in its sleep: 'Kouji.'

A deal was quickly signed between his conscious and subconscious. He wanted to stop thinking about all the morning's signs. It was much safer not to torture himself with things he wasn't cablable of understand so ignoring it would be much better. As illogical as it sounded, an off button seemed to be pressed. And he didn't care anymore about what that sky might offer to him. If it had been decided, it would be over. No point in over-thinking about it. Destiny had the final word after all.

A voice soft and sweet as a tune that one adores. 'Hey Kouji~ wake up.'

He called again in the same musical, comforting symphony. The repetitive calls were childish. They held a degree of nagging. It was almost fun to be carefree and childish…even if his attempts were artificial. He had never been used to act in that way. Acting like a child was something he deprived himself of either because of illness or being a smart stubborn idiot as Kouji called him once.

'Kouji, com'n!'

Kouji continued hiding under his mattress for another few minutes, ignoring the call and surely wondering in his subconscious why on earth would anyone wake him up so early in a holiday(his biological clock didn't kick in yet so it was early)

Being rude had never been one of Kouichi's characteristics but he couldn't help the small amused smirk he expressed when he continued shaking Kouji's shoulder's gently, repeating the same call. Kouji answered grumpily with "five more minutes, 'Kaa-san"

That made Kouichi giggle and nag even more. Everything seemed like it had changed. Miraculously, his health was better in the last few days. He only had a slight fever the previous night and it had decreased by the morning. Even the doctors seemed surprised of that. In the past few years, he couldn't even raise his head from the pillow for days before his birthday and he would be forced to visit the hospital once he completely collapse which usually happened a day before his birthday. Shockingly, he was really fine, much better than how he had been for the last whole year and his birthday was less than 20 hours. He had even eaten something quick after waking up without his mother's help and had climbed the stairs to Kouji's room. It had felt too normal to be hungry after staring at the room ceiling for the whole night. He couldn't sleep, afraid that he would drift to one of his fantasies. He loved his dreams but when the fear of becoming worse hovered, staying awake became much better and even easier. He had experienced the lack of his fantasy dreams for at least three days before every birthday and this year wasn't much different.

'Kouji enough sleeping already!' That wasn't fair and he knew it. His brother hadn't enjoyed much of sleep the previous night. Today was the supposed date for the festival-the waited day to go out. Kouji was surely anxious as much as him or even more but he couldn't do anything to relieve his tension except re-assuring for the millionth time that he would be fine-that he would celebrate his birthday on time with Kouji and his parents.

'If you don't wake up, I won't come back to your room!' He wasn't sure if that was a threat. The last time he came to Kouji's room was two years ago and threating him with that wasn't helpful but somehow it did the trick and forced Kouji to throw the mattress away and open his eyes with rapid blinks.

Kouji's sleepy midnight eyes gazed at his skyish eyes. A small grin curled the elder twin's lips as he chirped sweetly. 'I am glad you decided to wake up.'

It was fun to watch Kouji stare at him as if he had never seen him before and it was even funnier when Kouji jumped from his bed and clutched his shoulders as to make sure he was there. Half a minute passed and Kouji didn't shout with "what are you doing up here". Instead, he blinked for the tenth time and asked in confusion, all sleepiness had escaped. 'Nii-san?'

Kouichi chuckled at that and patted Kouji's head like a mother comforting her kid. 'You look totally different when you wake up,'

That was true in several ways. Kouji's hair was loose, no bandana or ponytail to keep it tamed. The mask he showed to the world was completely lost, revealing a child's confusion and surprise.

The younger twin sighed at his brother's teasing and rubbed his brows, trying to push the headache he felt because of jumping this quick after being nicely lying on his bed. Before he could start pouring questions, Kouichi answered hurriedly with a shy timid smile, 'It is five in the morning. I couldn't sleep last night.'

'You're in my room, right?' The question came in a form of silly wondering after he processed Kouichi's answer to the non-existent question.

Kouichi nodded.

'And we don't have school?'

'We're in holiday, Kouji.'

Kouji collapsed on the bed and muttered, 'After all this nagging to wake me up, I'm not so sure.'

Kouichi laughed. A true laugh that abandoned worries and fears. For few seconds after the small heartily laugh, he wondered silently when was the last time, he laughed without needing a reason. He missed laughing-missed being normal even though he had never been normal to remember how it felt. The thought made him feel down. Traces of happiness faded as he gazed at the tangled bed sheets under him. What if he couldn't keep his promise to Kouji? What if he was too weak to fight to be like anyone else? What if it was impossible to act like anyone else? Wasn't it enough to scare and worry his family for him? What if the nagging feeling of wrongness… of the barely ignored feeling of the end was true? What if the words he uttered to gain their mercy and approval were true? He told them that he wanted to go for the first and the last time. Would he collapse there and…die?

'Nii-san!'

He raised his head slowly to meet Kouji's concerned ones. He had made him worried. Again.

'Yeah.' He tried to smile but it came fake.

Kouji noticed that and sat crossed legged in front of him. 'So what happened to be so annoying and wake me up this early?' Trying to lighten the mood wasn't easy. But as he had said nothing before to make it gloomy, playfully blaming his brother would make things better. And he was right. Kouichi returned all energetic again and smirked like a small amused kitten.

'Told you. I couldn't sleep so I waited the sun to rise and came to you.'

'You climbed up the stairs on your own?' There was a hidden worry in the amused question Kouji asked.

'Yep. 'Kaa-san and 'Tou-san are still asleep.' Kouichi answered proudly which made Kouji smirk evilly before asking: 'So they don't know you're up here. You'd be in trouble, Nii-san.'

The elder twin pouted. 'They'd come up here to ask you if you know something about my disappearance so that's okay.'

He said his words good naturally but the word disappearance made Kouji wince. Wasn't that what he was scared of? Wasn't waking up one morning and discovering that his brother wasn't in his room what terrify him? Those trance-like moments took his brother away mentally. Could they take him away physically? Could the mysterious wings he was so sure of their existence steal his brother from him…forever.

'Hey Kouji. You okay?'

'I'm fine. Just thinking.'

'About what? You didn't change your mind about going out tonight, did you?' Kouichi sounded scared, his hands, fisting the bed sheet worriedly.

Ironically, Kouji had momentarily forgotten that it was the supposed day. He had forgotten why he couldn't wake up easily like always. Staying awake till half past three in the morning. He was doing nothing but thinking of what he should do if something went wrong.

He shook his head calmly and gave his brother a sweet smile to placate his worries. 'Of course not, Nii-san. It was a promise after all.'

He wished it wasn't.

Kouichi returned the smile but a yawn cut that smile, causing Kouji to giggle mischievously. 'You need to sleep Kouichi.'

'I'm fine.' Another yawn finished his answer.

'You can sleep next to me. I'm still sleepy anyway.'

'I'm sorry for wa-

'Don't be.'

Kouji prepared the bed for his brother and brought the mattress he had thrown. After smoothing the bed carefully, he sat down and patted the place next to him. Kouichi who had been standing by the bedside during this, slipped easily under the light bed sheets. It was summer after all.

Their eyes locked for a while before Kouji cut the silent conversation. 'It'd been a while since we slept like this.'

'Yeah.'

The room was slightly dark even though the sun was up. The curtains prevented any light from entering. They lied next to each other, shoulders touching slightly. The last time he had slept like this beside Kouichi was when they were six. Kouichi was sick as always and Kouji was too stubborn to understand that he no longer should sleep next to his brother. They were old enough to sleep in separated rooms besides his parents were worried that he could get affected by his brother's disease-whatever it was. Back then, he sneaked to Kouichi's room and slept next to him, pulling him into a hug and causing him to wake up. Kouichi had been too happy to see him and few minutes later they drifted into peaceful slumber. Their parents were angry at him but they didn't punish him. His brother's fever went down by the morning so they had allowed them to stay together the whole day.

'Kouji?'

'Yeah.'

'D-do you mind? I- I mean. It's just. I…I'

Kouji smirked to the darkness. His brother was surely blushing while struggling to form words. They were twins. Surely, Kouichi had remembered the same incident. His fingers traveled slowly till it touched Kouichi's check. It was warm but not dangerously warm to express a fever. Kouji strocked his brother's cheek gently then brushed the soft looks from his eyes. Kouichi was surprised when that started but then he lent into the touch and smiled contently, closing his eyes and preparing himself to sleep. Kouji was there. Beside him. There was no way he wouldn't be fine even if in another world.

'Do you want a hug?' Kouji's flushed question made Kouichi's face redden so quickly and obviously even in the darkness. It wasn't wrong. That is for sure but they were thirteen. Quite older than the last time they hugged while sleeping. Sure the hugs were familiar between them but…

Kouichi nodded, abandoning his thoughts and snuggling closer to his brother. 'I wanted to ask that.'

'I know.'

'Kouji?'

'Yeah.'

'I'd be fine. I'll try. I promise so you don't have to hug me desperately as if it'd be the last time.'

Kouji blushed darkly, admiring his brother's intelligence and ability to read his heartbeats. Kouichi's head was securely leaning against his chest, hands clutching him tightly but not as tight as how Kouji was pulling him to his chest. Kouichi was right. He was scared. Scared of not holding him again but even Kouichi's muffled and sleepy words couldn't make him easen his grip. They made him feel better and stronger.

Here and now, he was able to hold his brother tightly. He could protect him from the world and from whatever was going to happen. His hands traced Kouichi's back where the wings should be. Nothing was abnormal there but Kouji felt glad and even a bit hysterically proud that his fingertips were touching that specific place as if he could prevent those wicked wings from appearing again. He wouldn't let them or anything else take his brother away. No matter what.

* * *

'You look adorable!' Minamoto Tomoko clasped her hands together and chirped happily. The sight of her elder son in his black and violet Yukata was thrilling.

Kouichi continued blushing which made him even cuter. As a result, Tomoko couldn't stop herself from giving him another hug.

'Hey, are you ready?'

Kouji and his father entered the living room. Kouji smirked at the scene.

Their mother undid the hug and turned to face them. She scolded immediately upon eyeing the younger twin's outfit. 'I told you to wear your Yutaka, Kouji! You can't go out like this.'

Kouji crossed his arms and protested. 'I am not wearing it even if my life depends on that.'

'And why not?'

He wanted to shout with how embarrassing would it be if he wore it. He wasn't a child to wear it when he was about to turn fourteen. He wasn't able to utter a word with Kouichi there. And if his mother kept pressing, he might end up wearing something like _that_.

'It's all right, Tomoko. What matters is that they have fun.' His father came to his rescue. For a moment Kouji felt that he really, really loved his father. Tomoko sighed in defeat and went back to admire Kouichi's clothes. Kousei gave his younger twin a supporting smile and Kouji replied it with a nod as if saying that he owned him one.

The twins were ready to leave after about five minutes.

'Don't eat a lot of sweets or fast food in the festival. Stay away from strangers. If something happened, call immediately. Check your mobile every five minutes. Don't be late. Take care of yourselves...' Their mother continued pouring them with instructions and warnings. Her voice was strong and determine in the beginning before it completely broke to turn into a sort of plead.

'You will…be…fine.' She whispered, tears struggled to convey their fear and concern.

Kouji smiled warmly. 'Of course. Don't worry.'

She nodded as if forcing herself to believe in his words. Her tearful eyes gazed at her elder son who looked at her hesitantly.

She knelt in from of him and hugged him again but the hug was different. She stroked his hairy gently and muttered in his ears. 'You'll come back, right?'

Her question tore him apart. And a tear like silver, glistened in the corner of his eye. He didn't know the answer yet couldn't remain speechless when she was begging him for reassurance. A nod was all what he could offer her.

With a wave, they left.

The mother looked at them till they disappeared behind a corner in the main street. Kousei closed the door behind them.

Tomoko couldn't hold any longer. Her knees gave up and she collapsed, sobbing. 'He…He won't…c-come back. I-I feel it.'

Kousei didn't even try to comfort her. He bit his lower lip and gazed at the closed door. 'I trust them. They would be fine.' He breathed heavily. 'Besides there's nothing we can do. We can't keep him in prison forever. He needed to go.'

'It was wrong to let him go! He was fine here. He was happy...' She cried out.

'He wasn't. Maybe…maybe we didn't have the right to keep him here. He's the one who should decide. It's his life.' His voice was low and trembling.

He walked towards his wife and kneeled beside her. 'That's the only thing we can do as his parents. He should decide whether to stay or…'

Her agonized cry cut him. She collapsed between his arms and cried. 'I don't want to hear that. He would come back. He would come back.'

Because he promised to celebrate his birthday with them…

**To Be Continued ...!~...**

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_**...!~...**_

**Author Note**

**Title Translation: **Red Sky in the Morning

And so it is done. Banzaaai~! I can't Believe myself. Geez, I felt as if I won't be able to write anything again. An idiot sort of writer's block which ganged with boredom and laziness against me. I can't assure that I am over that block but it is a good step, ne.

Ah, the first scene is a bit contradicting with how the chapter went but I needed it. Consider an off- button for Kouichi to act as naturally as possible. Forget how illogical it sounds.

Thank you all for your support and sorry for not being responsible enough to update regularly*bows* Please tell me what you think. Whatever it was *winks winks*


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